Desire

Hai all! Macam dah lama tak membebel panjang. Heh. Bajet org suka la ko membebel? Last tuesday, lps habis kes di KL, singgah kat food court Jalan Duta tu utk mkn. Then there was this promoter, perempuan dtg nk jual insurance prudential. Aku buat tak apik je la. first, aku lapar. 2nd, aku mmg dh ada insurace prudential and 3rd, aku sgt2 lapar. Tambah lagi bila akak promoter tu kata gini- kami cover semua dik, termasuklah komplikasi kandungan. That! That statement really made me sentap la kan. Ko nk mengata perut aku boroi ke pe ni?? 

pastu pn.mai a.k.a my 3rd mother explained to me in an acceptable way yg mana dia kata, what she meant was, u are in marriageable age, syuhada... so u can get pregnant if u get married etc. hati sejuk la lps puan mai kata gitu. but it awakened my long forgotten desire which was to have my own baby. 

serious weh, aku tak pernah jeles dgn org berkapel or any pengantin baru [boooo. tipu! aku once jeles ngan irma hasmie masa tgk video pre wedding dia tu] but nowadays kan aku cam gigit jari je bila tgk new couple bwk anak p mkn. layan budak kecik tu n while melayan anak kecik tu, they will have some kind of smile yang sgtlah indah kat mata tu. i want that! i want to smile like that and i want to have my own little family too. sobsob. 

i talked to my parent about this and ayah, as expected, tak allow aku utk amik anak angkat [since i'm sooo eager to have my own kan and to wait for the father of my own child tu mcm tak nmpka bayang lagi, so why not amik anak angkat] ayah said, i'm not prepared and i admit that. ayah futher added yang bila blm kahwin ni, jiwa kita masih belum lengkap [yg tu aku tak bape fhm] so utk jaga anak sendiri ni, ia akan jd sgt payah sbb jiwa blm cukup kuat. aku angguk je lah. 

then i talked to my lalings. eitehr az, timah or angah asked me whether i'm prepared or not. there are tons of thing to do utk besarkan anak ni. apa jantina anak yang ko prefer, sape nak jaga anak masa ko g keje, mcm mana dgn mkn pakai dia, adakah kewangan ko stabil, adakah ko sanggup nk melayan budak tu if dia sakit ke pe etc etc-- those adalah contoh2 soalan yang diajukan and to be honest, ia agak menyedarkan aku yang ada anak ni its not always rainbows and butterflies.. jdnya, aku tangguhkan dlu la niat tu sampailah bila Tuhan kata aku dah ready, maka nya waktu tu aku pun bolehlah berjumpa dengan Nur Iman Hannan, akhirnya :)) I cant wait to see u, love!

tu je lah. jumpa lagi dlm sesi membebel akan dtg. daaaa~~