Dua Puluh Lapan

its august, and mcm biasa- its a birthday month for us. after apis, ateh, me then today- its ibu's birthday. tetibe rasa sayu bila fikir berapa lama masa yang tinggal utk aku hidup dgn ibu. either dia yang pergi or aku pergi dulu. masa ibu sakit aritu, i truly pray that biarlah ibu pergi dulu dari aku, so that i can ensure that dia berjaga. ada org bawa dia ke hospital, jaga makan minum dia and of course, i hope it will be me. benda tu bukan mudah, sabar kena ade [tu yg slalu aku fail] kdg2 aku naik marah gak- sabar hilang. tp cepat2 istighfar sbb yg sakit tu mak aku. tu baru mak sendiri, cuba org lain. dats y biar aku la yg jaga. its better that way, i think. 

i turned 28 this year. dulu masa dgr umur 28, aku slalu bygkn org tu dh matang, anak dah ramai, hidup dh settle down, dah ada mcm2. tapi hakikatnya, aku masih budak. child at heart katanya. masa aku bagi talk kt MARA aritu pasal civil litigation in court, org still ade gak yg tanya umur aku bape. myb kurangnya pengalaman buat aku masih dipandang rendah. well, i can accept that. diorg lg fokus masa pn.mai cakap. even diorg still dgr pe aku ckp, but i can see in their eyes that they are doubting me as a junior lawyer. its okay. i will do the same if i'm in their shoes as well. 

tak kisahlah. its a pengalaman to me. a good experience indeed. 

 28 years. 2 tahun lagi akan masuk three series. harapnya aku akan jadi manusia lebih matang, lebih sabar, lebih tabah dan lebih independent. lebih bnyk memberi, lebih kuat, lebih tenang dan lebih bijak. apapun yang akan jadi nanti, aku harapnya akan lebih terbuka menerima dan melaluinya. itu adalah jalan yang Allah pilih untuk aku, jadi aku harus redha dan bersyukur dgn takdir aku. harapnya syuhada tidak akan mudah putus asa. selalu berusaha untuk jadi yang lebih baik. 

muslimah yg lebih baik. anak yang lebih baik. kakak yang lebih baik. khalifah yang lebih baik. dan segala apa title yang mungkin aku akan dpt di kemudian hari, aku harap aku dapat lakukan dengan terbaik. insyaAllah :)

Happy Birthday, Babe

Happy 28th birthday, my best-est friend! its your last birthday as a single lady and at the end of this month, you will step in another stage of life- to be someone's wife. I'm thinking to write a letter to you but my handwriting is getting worse day by day so yeah, here i am. writing a post in my own blog so that u can read it. i'm pretty sure u will read it because u are one of those few people who have the link to this blog. today is 19th day of January and i start this early because i dont know when will i have the time to write.. i'm planning to write a lengthy post because this is about 13 years of friendship, babe. what do u expect? so prepare yourself to read this. read!! i'll ask u question about this and if u fail to answer correctly, then- good bye my dear friend. muahahaha. 

this was one of the earliest picture of us, babe. still remember? while we were in form 1 I guess. [Tudung hitam with baju kurung kuning- like- seriously, syuhada?? hahaha]. I still remember u told me that u knew about me way before we met. although we are friends but we were not that close, didnt we? frankly speaking, I didn't really like you at that point of time. you are quite.. impossible to understand. with that eh-aku-punya-sukalah- attitude, i cant believe u were the person who gave me the most memorable birthday celebration ever with just a simple McD fillet-o fish .. i still remember u told me- akak aku datang td, dia bawak burger ni. hari ni kan birthday kau, mehla share sama2. we were not even in the same dorm. u came all the way to my dorm that night to share that small burger of yours with me. that was so sweet and most sincere act someone ever did to me. From the very bottom of my heart, thank you so much for your kindness, dearie BFF.i remember that till the last day of my life.

we became close in 2002. while we were busy preparing for our big PMR exam, we slowly getting closer together with az. if u ask how- honestly i cant recall. step by step, I have my own circle of friends consist of nine and of course, you are part of it. not to mention, we were also the pair that argued the most.

remember this picture? this was taken when we argued few seconds before. u left out of sudden and i dont bothered to care so we just proceed to take the picture. haha. so childish.i dont know how we reconcile after that but i guess Ina played a big role as our Jaksa Pendamai. muehehehe.

 

i spent most of my youth with you and them.. it was not an easy journey but we did have fun and I thank God for that. I thank u, for accepting me because I'm far from being perfect. Being moody and unpredictable syuhada whom sometimes so blunt with her words, i'm sure i always giving u hard times. thank u for always being there, accepting me for who i am and never ask me to be who i am because u know i wont bother to play another role when i'm with u. u simply make me want to be me. 

that sampul surat is in original form since 11 years ago okeh. dont u dare to accuse me for not taking a good care of your gifts and notes. yup. u did gave me that kind of note but i treasured those, babe. that is how much u meant to me. terharu lettew! haha. babe, did u remember we used to write our so called wasiat and gave to each other so that if one of us die, the one who left will convey those words to our family? hahahahaha. soooo budak2 sgt at that time. i dont know where did i kept those letters, lucky you! if i found it, i'll surely menghanjingkan kau for days. hahahaha. i thank Allah because we born earlier than this internet era. Kalau tak. dunno la what will happen. silap2 masuk KHK.muehehehe

after SPM, things change. the routine change, our circle of friends expand and we met the real world. we rarely met. once a while we talk via phone. we text each other from phone message era till wasap era. it keeps our friendship last longer. we faced another type of problem. if in SMKAP, our problem were basically about homework, friends, my crush, your crush, teachers and family- now, there are additional types of problem we are facing. monetary, life, workplace, staffs, lovelife, family etc.etc. from that I got to know u better and we start to understand and accepting each other more that what we use to do.

As far as i remembered, there were lots of things that i experienced for the first time and u being my partner in crime, were there with me. remember our zaman kesusahan? kejar bas, naik bas, turun bas. [alhamdulillah we now can take turn to drive wherever we want]. i miss those times where we can hang around and berjimba something with someone else money. haha.

our friendship is not just about sweet journey kan babe? i still remember the moment we hugged in front of your house the day your mother passed away. i still remember your tears. I still remember the moment our eyes met when u were beside your late mother and me- sitting few meters away. at that time, i finished reciting yasin for your mum and u simply look at me. i cant forget the look in your eyes as if you want to tell me something and i remember sending a look that telling u- i'm here. I will always here for u, be strong and trust me, u are  not alone. for days, i keep worrying about you because u simply pushed others away from u. u refused to reply messages, answering your calls. our friends keep telling me to go to u just to make sure u are ok. i dont know how to drive at that time, so i asked ayah to send me over. when we met, i remember your tired eyes and u look so miserable. only Allah knows how hurt I am when i simply couldnt do anything for u. I couldt understand your pain. I just can sit there, listen to you when u pouring your sadness to me. but i'm still grateful because u still want to tell me what did u feel. thank u for giving me that chance.

second time i saw hurt in your eyes was when he came to your life. I knew u fallen deeply for him and i cant help but supported your love life regardless what actually the reality was. after what happened, u look like lifeless soul. smile didnt reached your eyes and i knew u faked up all the laugh and smile. pray that me and angah wont meet that *&^%*(*^ guy because if we did, he will surely be 6 feet under. 

but past is past. now, u finally found your other half. u are getting married in few weeks!!!!! ho-hemm-geeeeeeee. did i told u that i got teary eyed when during your engagement day?[haha. u know me la kan. ratu air mata. wan maimunah sgt!]

why did i cried, u ask? because i remember your late mother. one of ur makcik look exactly like her and i cant help thinking how happy she is if she can be there on your big day. despite your wide smile, i can see some sadness in your eyes. hmmm..

u sounds stress lately babe. just dont think too much, will u? i know [theoretically] that planning a wedding is such a headache but please dont overdo yourself. insyaAllah everything will be okay. anything just tell me, i'll listen to u. if i'm able to help, i will.

dear best-est friend, i sincerely pray for your happiness. i really hope that Fadzil can make u happy, treat you like a princess and pouring you with endless love. but marriage is not just about that. its about give and take. i sincerely pray that you can fulfill your duty as a wife and insyaAllah, a mother. Patience is the key. think with your matured brain, dont let your emotion lead your act. i may not be the right person u can turn to if u having any problem after u get married, but do remember, i will always be here.

things will change and no one can guarantee that our friendship will remain the same. we have talked about this, dont we? we kinda predicted what will happen. just like how angah slowly drifted apart from me after her marriage, i can foresee that u will be busy with your marriage too. sigh. me, as the one who being left have to accept this. its part and parcel of life. we have to move on. but keep my words, anywhere i go, i wont hesitate to claim you as my bestfriend. Dunia akhirat.   

i love u. lillahitaala.

Happy birthday, bestfriend and selamat pengantin baru :) 

Dua Puluh Tujuh

Happy birthday Siti Syuhada :)

Nape post pasal birthday sendiri? Pertama-- eh, blog aku, sukati aku lah! Kedua-- because i'm independent bebeh! and most importantly-- nak tunggu org post pasal aku, mcm tunggu durian gugur la kan. So here I am, opening myself again to let ME and u know how i feel on my 27th year of living.

Dear Siti Syuhada-- first and foremost I want u to know dat I'm soooo proud of being u. Jatuh bangun, sedih suka, jatuh hati patah hati, gagal berjaya.. u made through it. Tahniah, siti syuhada! I want u to know dat dont be afraid to make mistakes. Its a process of learning and it is part of life. U have made thousands of them but u still survive, right? Do not change, but learned. U might know this, but I want to remind u again dat things might be hard and u may not get what u want, but Allah knows better and of course, things will get better even it is not the path u want to get through. Be kind to others, jgn sombong because at the one of the day, kita hanya hamba yg satu masa pasti akan jumpa Tuan kita.  so, on this 13th of august 2014, dont forget to be thankful and grateful.Especially to Allah. Terima kasih pada Tuhan, kerana menyayangi kau dgn kasih syg yang tak dapat dibayangkan banyaknya.Dahla solat selalu lambat, tahajud dah lama tak buat. Masa sng slalu lupa. Tapi Dia tak pernah lupakan kau.Ingat, makin banyak kau kira umur, makin dekat kau dengan mati. Iman turun naik. buatnya mati masa iman nth pape, apa nak jwb masa depan Dia nanti? [gulp]

Terima kasih juga pada ibu, ayah, adik2, sahabat handai, saudara mara- yang masih ada dengan kau even tahu betapa tak perfectnya lah kau ni syuhada. Perangai, emosi, disiplin-- semua yg nth pape tu, diorg blh terima n masih mengaku kau as part of them. Macam mana hidup kau kalau tak de diorg. Jadinya, jgn lupa appreciate masa tgh ada. Selalu-selalu tunjuk sayang. Cubalah jadi pendengar terbaik, along terbaik, anak yang baik. Be the best for them so dat u can let them know how much u love them. [hugs and kisses]

and pasal.. duh. pasal kahwin ni, kuatkanlah sabar bila ditanya banyak2 kali. senyum je la bila org tempelak ko tak berusaha. cool saja kalau ada yang buat bahan ketawa. Allah tahu. Kau pun tahu, He is the best planner. Jadi, serahakan je semuanya. Sampai masa nanti jumpalah. kalaupun tidak di dunia, akhirat nanti pun akan ada. Umur kita ni kan ada dua fasanya. Dia dah bagi kau keluarga terbaik, jadi jgn tamak. jgn compare diri ko dgn org lain. Yang bagi rezeki tu Tuhan. Kena selalu ingat tu. Bila patah hati, relax sudah. tak payah nak sedih utk lelaki yang tak tentu mana pun. percayalah, Allah sedang lindungi kau. Dia mmg xbg sesape pun yang bukan mahram kau utk dekati kau kalau org tu bukan jodoh kau. Teruskan saja dengan hidup and jgn stop tawakal.

"Dan janganlah engkau tujukan pandangan matamu kepada kenikmatan yang telah Kami berikan kepada beberapa golongan daripada mereka, sebagai bunga kehidupan dunia, agar Kami uji mereka dengan kesenangan itu. Kurniaan Tuhanmu lebih baik dan lebih kekal."
(Surah Taha, ayat 131)

Be strong, Siti Syuhada. life will get harder- just bare with it. Allah takkan sia-siakan kita.

Birthday Present

Berangan park kat TPR punye parking space. heh. 

sila abaikan kualiti gambar ini. phone tak canggih tapi hati tergedik2 nak capture moment perasan syuhada. haih. tapi perasan blh jadi mimpi. mimpi blh jd impian. and impian blh jd kenyataan babe. manelah tahu, tak dpt TPR court sivil, soon TPR syariah pulak ke kan. who knows? [doakan ye]

ah. sesi membebel syuhada bermula. i've read one inspired quote from one awesome fanfic [yup. bahan bacaan saya sgt tidak berfaedah. sangat tidak bagus utk otak] its basically what the lead character thought about her past and what she want to tell her past self : "Dara-ajumma, stay strong like you always do. treasure your friends. dont doubt yourself. dont rush in finding the perfect man. because a wonderful guy is destined for you". simple yet made me realized yang kita selalu tak sabar tentang masa depan.[ah. if korg fikir saya sekali lagi akan merapu pasal jodoh- tetttttt! jangkaan anda salah semata] 

we always eager to know what awaiting for us in the future though we believe Allah is the Great Planner. Sabar and hadapi semuanya dengan kepercayaan bahawa apa yang kita lalui- baik buruk, susah, senang- pasti ada hikmahnya. contohnya keseksaan utk mencapai cita2 to be a lawyer. Belajar satu hal. Chambering satu hal. seksa babe. seksa.

Akhirnya, selepas belajar berathun-tahun dan menjalani latihan dalam kamar yang super mencabar jiwa dan raga- tarikh 'call to the bar' aku telah ditetapkan pada 30hb Januari 2013. Sangat-sangat bersyukur kerana pada tarikh itu juga [sepertimana yang aku pernah mentioned before] adalah birthday lelaki paling pentaing dalam hidup [buat masa ini. hehe] iaitu ayahanda ku; Haji Mohd Isa Bin Abd Rahman yang ke-53 tahun. Kiranya itulah yang akan menjadi hadiah birthday buat ayah. Terima Kasih Tuhan untuk semua ini.. terima kasih [senyum. senyum selebarnya] 

Dalam kepala sekarang ni penuh dengan hal utk long call [bahasa cincai utk call-to-the-bar] tadi dah fail afidavit penyampaian. sign committee member tinggal lagi tiga. pastu nak kena wat kad and now aku nak kena fikir pasal jemputan. adeh. [baru long call. kalo kawen lagi gila] 

#family:- ibu. ayah. adik2. atok. bibik. om. acu. maksu. anyah. ayah suruh jemput paklong n mak ngah sekali. dah siap kad nanti jemput je la. BFFs timah & angah telah dijemput. mmg tym keje tp kalo dpt dtg sangat2 lah dihargai. 

#guests: Karthig Shan & Staffs. Suji included. Maishiah Jalidah & Co. Staffs included. K.Ogy especially. Hanif Hassan & Co. Even sebulan je dulu tapi kenangan & ilmu sampai mati tak lupa. Pn. Faiza. & beberapa lawyer yang aku kenal. Chambering student yang aku kenal [sgt limited sungguh circle of friend syuhada ni] 

#VIP:- Teacher Dewi, Cikgu Anisah, Cikgu Zaharahni. Majistret or Hakim dijemput juga tapi selalunya possibility diorang nak dtg macam rendah. tapi prepare ajolah. 

tu je ke list aku? So far tu je la yang melintas dalam kepala. list akan diedit kemudian. itu sudah pasti. esok adalah sheera's long call day. I'm proud of u, buddy! Congrtz!!

Berangan Tengah Pagi

Pukul 3 pagi kalo ikut jam laptop ibu ni. 3.06 a.m to be exact. td blackout, dekat sejam. so tidur dah terganggu. dan bila dh terganggu, tak dpt nak lelap- marilah berangan. [sengih gedik]

dimulakan dgn berangan psl chenta hati. minggu dpn 'Missing You' tamat la. so tak payah dah tunggu tiap-tiap rabu & khamis mlm utk live streaming. 1st drama wat aku sanggup tunggu live streaming even sepatah haram aku tak faham ckp korea tu. [nampak babe? i chenta mati kat u ni] berangan nk g honeymoon ke korea n shoot post-wedding's pics mcm ni

owh. suwit muwitnye la hai. haip! tp perasaan ni tak blh dilayan-layan. tak baik utk kesihatan mental dan fizikal. kang kot meroyan nak kawen cpt. kawen cpt konon. huh!

Siang td- jumpa en. nan utk settlekan psl long call. rasa mcm nak meletup jantung-terburai air mata [drama queen sungguh la dia ni] bila en.nan offer wat 30hb 1 tym bday ayah. dlm hati- la, ni ke hikmah BM aku tak siap-siap? mintak-mintak dapatla tarikh tu. so that will be my birthday present for ayah. tolong doakan sekali ye. ibu tanya bila nak wat kenduri- so maknanya akan ada kenduri. banyak benda nak fikir. nak g betulkan robe, nak tempah kad jemputan, nak tanye k.ani psl reception. adeh. tp tak pe. asal dpt long call msa bday ayah. tetibe rasa exited balik nk LC. 

bln 3 start officially keje. takpun start awal kalo plan vacation tak jadi. niat ade nak berjalan tp kewangan n ada beberapa mslh teknikal memungkinkan plan vacation ni mcm tak jd je. tp yg penting aku mmg nak cuti lps LC. melegakan segala wire2 otak yg serabut selama dekat 10 bulan ni. rehat dulu then wire2 otak akan digunakan sampaila nyawa dicabut malaikat. berbalik isu keje, ibu ada ckp suruh aku beli kete lain sbb sian ayah tak de kete. [viva dia adik guna n lps adik smbung bljr, abg plak guna] aku garu kepala. gaji kalo ribu riban tak pe. ni baru nak start hidup dh kena pikir itu ini. ngan duit pinjaman tak bayar lg. nak sambung bljr lg. nak tambah beli kete baru? kalo ikutkan mmg plannye aku hanya sambung byr Persona ibu tu, tp kalo beli kete baru mcm lg banyak je kos. mampu ke? Ibu ckp proton wat promosi utk student so tak pyh bayar down payment. kalo tak byr, mkna lagi mahal ke pe? adehhhh. 

tapi dah nama pun tajuk post utk berangan, jd marilah berangan. ikutkan hajat hati, dari dulu sampai la kini, 1st car mmg aku berangan nak beli Satria Neo. 

santek kan? meleleh air liur. tp bila tgk harga n monthly payment yg harus ditanggung- telan air liur. haih. money is not everything but everything is about money wei. [tepuk dahi] [tepuk bantal]

good night. esok sy keje. ye. saya bangla. hah. 

My Special Someone

I dedicate this post for my twin; Joanne Dela Luna

this is her. cute right? 

sorry twin, i took your picture from FB without your permission. but dont worry, this is my private blog, no one will read this if i dont want them to ;) 

she is very special to me. we share a unique relationship which eventually, when we found to many things similar  with each other- we called each other as twin. my fifth brother once asked me- how can both of u became twin when obviously u dont look similar and u dont share same bithdate with her. i just smile when i heard that question- because only us know why. i know her because of Arashi- a JPop Idol. I'm a huge fan back then. I even wrote fanfics for them especially my baby brat; Ninomiya Kazunari. we met in Freestyle forum- arashi's fanfic forum. yeah, so called our meeting point.

 We start messaging each other in private msg in that forum and slowly move to FB in November 2010. We talked almost everyday and i found myself happy and relax whan i talk to her. we talked almost about everything. The happiness and sadness. She cares about me and this is one of the sweetest thing she ever did to me 

i'm speechless when i saw this last year :) 

i never be able to do anything like this. i once planned to send a bouquet of flowers for her in Manila but i cannot afford the price. I only be able to write notes or fanfic for her once. And here I am, writing again for her birthday

May u stay forever young, twin <3 

I LOVE YOU. SO MUCH. 

me2day: 2nd of April

Perkara Pertama:-

hari ini hari buku kanak-kanak sedunia. saya baru tau pagi td from radio masa *ehem* drive kete g office ;) so please take note. mana la tau berguna untuk masa depan.

Perkara Kedua:-

*Insert drum roll please* syuhada kan, hari ni kan.. dia kan... DAH BLH DRIVE KERETA GI OFFICE SORANG2!!!!! YAAYYYYY!!!! owh, mekasih, mekasih.. ya, saya sangat bangga dengan diri saya apabila selamat sampai di rumah petang td. even gelabah tym nk parking, alhamdulillah, pada usia yang ke-25 hidup di dunia ini, saya berjaya mengatasi ketakutan saya. alhamdulillah~

Perkara Ketiga:-

Hari ini birthday adik saya yang bongsu: Ahmad Milzam Mohd Isa.

*do remember- ni gambar lama.. dia tidak lagi secomel ini*

Ijam adalah copy paste saya. saya akui itu. Pemikiran kami hampir sama. bila ada sesuatu senario yang kami hadapi bersama, saya blh tahu apa yg ada dlm fikirannya, sama seperti dia. mungkin sbb sama, kami selalu bertekak. ijam adalah anak manja ibu. dia punya personaliti yang kadang-kadang di luar jangkauan pemahaman kita. berubah-ubah. ya, sama seperti saya. Dia tegas tapi masih keanak-anakkan.. mungkin dilahirkan sbgai yg bongsu, yg besar2 semua mengharapkan dia bersikap sepeti kami. tidak seperti usianya dan nyata, itu silap. Ijam baru berusia 14 tahun. Bnyak lagi perkara yang perlu dihadapinya..

Happy Birthday to you, Ijam..

Along doakan Ijam terus kuat untuk menghadapi hari mendatang, InsyaAllah..

Even banyak kali along menyumpah ko tym2 bengang tu, tp along tetap sayang ko

sbb u are part of me